What could 10 hours hurt?

Yesterday, there was a collegiate football game that I normally watch at home, during which I text rants and raves with my father, since I don't go to their house. My dad called to let me know he was planning on going into his mothers for the day, about 45 minutes from where I live. I really wanted to watch the game with my dad, so I talked my boyfriend into going along, what harm could be done in ten hours?. At 9 a.m. I got a text letting us know they were leaving town on their way to pick us up. At 10 a.m., they pulled up. They were in my mother's vehicle, and the state of her vehicle spoke volumes to their complacency in life.

That sounds like such a grand and whiny statement, but we were surprised how bad it was. It's a white van, the kind that are usually only made as commercial vehicles without windows now. The reason they got a later start than they planned was because they had to stop at their shop and put the middle seat in the van. That I knew could mean several things. Maybe the van had been used like a truck for a job, maybe the bench that was in the van, was so covered with stuff, they figured it'd be easier to add a bench then clean the other off. The bottom panel of the sliding door is entirely gone, highlighted by streaks of yellow paint. I can only imagine what happened there.

Inside. My god the inside. There is immediately a pungent odor. There is no visible floor in the van. Piles of crap throughout the van. A very visible wall of junk between the two front seats (symbolism much?), and in the areas around each bench. Then the back bench is in fact covered with piles of stuff and I know then that I was right about the "add a bench instead of cleaning the other off" theory. The integrity of the van was worrisome too, the boyfriend thinks the high whine we heard on the trip was the transmission going out. 

The passive-aggressive fighting started pretty early on too. Once at my grandma's (paternal) we immediately began watching the game. I didn't have super high hopes for my mother's mood, because everyone there was interested in the game, except her.

My mother has a way of asking questions in just such a way, that you know she is trying to start something.
"How is the new job going?" is what my mother asked my boyfriend. But what she meant was "Tell me how bad you're suffering now that you don't work for us, because we were the best and you'll never do any better." I had to leave the room, I assume my boyfriend stood up for himself.

At some point, my mother's dad called her and updated her on some real estate he had seen where she lives. Remember, it was just two weeks ago that she was attempting to buy a second house. Then, soon after that my parents had a nearly whispered argument about how my grandpa (maternal) needs to clean out his house because he wants to sell it.

She said, and I quote "He just needs to clean one room at a time. Then he'd get it all done!" Just imagine what my mother could accomplish with that attitude, and ten hours.

My dad commented that her dad  probably needs help. My grandma (maternal) died three years ago, and my grandpa needs to find a place to continue his retirement. According to my mother, he's busy shopping for a mobile home so he can travel a bit more before being completely house-bound. She said he's anxious to clean out though, but it's emotional and she understands that. Isn't that the truth. My dad repeated that he probably needs help, and went so far as to say maybe she should take some time off of work to help him do it, start to finish.

That was a mistake. She recoiled and spit back that she doesn't have the time clean out a house or work on a house, was he stupid?

If you've been following this story, you're facing that contorting, helpless confusion that I did in the moment. Did she not just nearly buy a second house? Does she not already have three buildings of her own to clean out?

My mother asked after the primary game if we were ready to go to her dad's now, who is about twenty minutes away in the opposite direction of home. This was not discussed earlier, and my dad quickly spoke up so we didn't have to. He said he planned on spending the day with his mom, watching football. My mother was upset and claimed she didn't know that meant the whole day. My boyfriend and I did not want to go either and she was clearly offended. This is what often happens with my mother, she has a conversation with herself and then is upset when others don't follow her line of logic or her imaginary plans. It's like she enjoys setting herself up (and others) for failure. Or maybe she schemes it all ahead of time, and does it on purpose because she'll have an excuse to storm out.

The trip back wasn't so great either.  While my mother was at her dad's she cut herself some flowers from her mom's garden. She bagged them with water and left them in the van. About halfway home, my boyfriend realized his foot was wet. The flowers were on top of the pile of crap between the two front seats and angled just right so that the water had been pouring out onto his shoe, and his bag. He had his textbooks and laptop in that bag. I was furious. I was not shy about making it clear to my mother that his computer was wet and might be ruined.

So far, everything dried off successfully, but once we got home, my boyfriend confided that he was most upset that she was defensive when we told her what had happened. It was because of her stupid, smelly flowers that his computer got wet. She acted as if this was common-place, to be expected. Like, if we didn't like it, we didn't have to ride in her van. What the ****?! My dad texted us late last night and promised that if anything was ruined they would pay for it. My mother never apologized, and in fact blamed my dad's driving for shifting her pile of crap enough that her flower water dumped on my boyfriend.

It's now the morning after this adventure, and we're still exhausted. Emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. If this is what we are exposed to in a ten hour visit, I am really going to have to bulk up the emotional firewall before the holidays.