Grateful for a Crisis

1 Crisis

a : the turning point for better or worse in an acute disease or fever

b : a paroxysmal attack of pain, distress, or disordered function

c : an emotionally significant event or radical change of status in a person's life crisis

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2 Crisis

: the decisive moment (as in a literary plot)

3 Crisis

a : an unstable or crucial time or state of affairs in which a decisive change is impending; especially : one with the distinct possibility of a highly undesirable outcome crisis

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b : a situation that has reached a critical phase crisis>

Good news is: my mother didn't win the house.

Bad news is: she won't stop looking. 

I haven't heard from my dad since Sunday, and my mom seems really upset that she didn't win the house. The house went for $43,000 and she expected to put $10-12k into it. She said she was afraid she wouldn't be able to make it worth enough to make any money on it. 

Well that's a relief. 

Because everyone's concern was that she wouldn't make enough money, on a second house, a dilapidated, foreclosed, second house. I don't know how to proceed, but I'm torn 50/50 between using this as a wake up call, offer to help her clean out her current properties (again) and get them the help they need, or, just throw up my hands and cut myself off from anything having to do with their stuff or buildings. 

The holidays are coming up, and usually my mother doesn't have plans until the last minute, and then gets upset when my boyfriend and I have already made plans. This year she booked us for Thanksgiving the first week of September. Of course it isn't at her house, it's at the nursing home that her aunt lives in, and she now works there part time as a health aid. We're at the point where my boyfriend and I want to start making our own holiday traditions. Just because we don't have kids (or ever plan to) doesn't mean we don't deserve to live our lives. 

I know it will be easier to make excuses once we live farther away, but right now, a 30 minute drive isn't enough to convince her. I have made it clear (I hope) that we won't come to their house anymore, now when they want to get together they have to come to us, or we go out to eat. However, if you read my post on what happened the last time my parents came over, it's sometimes just as stressful. We're judged by my mother for having a clean home, and I'm made to feel ashamed for having done well for myself. When I say "Okay, just give us a heads up if you're coming through town so we can clean up," she scoffs, puts me down, and suggests that my boyfriend is too controlling, making me throw away all my things. 

I wish there was a way to communicate with her, through all the mental issues, the resentment, the defensiveness, the self-victimization, and the stuff. With that, I think I'll go clean the bathroom while I consider what to do next. If you have suggestions or need me, you know where to find me.