Grateful for a Crisis

1 Crisis

a : the turning point for better or worse in an acute disease or fever

b : a paroxysmal attack of pain, distress, or disordered function

c : an emotionally significant event or radical change of status in a person's life crisis

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2 Crisis

: the decisive moment (as in a literary plot)

3 Crisis

a : an unstable or crucial time or state of affairs in which a decisive change is impending; especially : one with the distinct possibility of a highly undesirable outcome crisis

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b : a situation that has reached a critical phase crisis>

Good news is: my mother didn't win the house.

Bad news is: she won't stop looking. 

I haven't heard from my dad since Sunday, and my mom seems really upset that she didn't win the house. The house went for $43,000 and she expected to put $10-12k into it. She said she was afraid she wouldn't be able to make it worth enough to make any money on it. 

Well that's a relief. 

Because everyone's concern was that she wouldn't make enough money, on a second house, a dilapidated, foreclosed, second house. I don't know how to proceed, but I'm torn 50/50 between using this as a wake up call, offer to help her clean out her current properties (again) and get them the help they need, or, just throw up my hands and cut myself off from anything having to do with their stuff or buildings. 

The holidays are coming up, and usually my mother doesn't have plans until the last minute, and then gets upset when my boyfriend and I have already made plans. This year she booked us for Thanksgiving the first week of September. Of course it isn't at her house, it's at the nursing home that her aunt lives in, and she now works there part time as a health aid. We're at the point where my boyfriend and I want to start making our own holiday traditions. Just because we don't have kids (or ever plan to) doesn't mean we don't deserve to live our lives. 

I know it will be easier to make excuses once we live farther away, but right now, a 30 minute drive isn't enough to convince her. I have made it clear (I hope) that we won't come to their house anymore, now when they want to get together they have to come to us, or we go out to eat. However, if you read my post on what happened the last time my parents came over, it's sometimes just as stressful. We're judged by my mother for having a clean home, and I'm made to feel ashamed for having done well for myself. When I say "Okay, just give us a heads up if you're coming through town so we can clean up," she scoffs, puts me down, and suggests that my boyfriend is too controlling, making me throw away all my things. 

I wish there was a way to communicate with her, through all the mental issues, the resentment, the defensiveness, the self-victimization, and the stuff. With that, I think I'll go clean the bathroom while I consider what to do next. If you have suggestions or need me, you know where to find me.

 

And This Little Hoarder Went to Market

 

My mom called, she's 45 minutes away from going to the private auction for this house she has her heart set on. She said my father had just walked into the room and said that he doesn't understand it, he doesn't know why she wants or needs another house, but he'll go along with her because they're married. State law dictates that their credit is tied together because they share the equity of their home, which is paid off. She said she went to the bank today and has been approved for five years of house hunting, and she was sure to tell me that even if this one doesn't work out, she'll find another.

She seems almost giddy. I'm conflicted because she seems genuinely happy and excited, but I cannot imagine this ending well if she takes the house. I also can't understand how she can think she will fix up a house, let alone enjoy doing it, on her own when she complains about not having the time or help to take the trash out or do a load of dishes.

Side note: I mentioned my boyfriend's parents' neighbor last night at dinner, and my boyfriend said that the county auditor that came through while his dad was finishing off their basement. The auditor said about 30% of his route looks like the neighbor's houses, and he isn't trained to deal with it. It seems so hopeless.

I don't know if I should call my dad and ask if there's anything he can say to stop her. I don't know if I should let them do it and simply hope for the best (being that she doesn't get the house). Another part of me is extremely curious about how things would turn out if she did get the house. The house was foreclosed on in the middle of renovations, so the flooring is exposed, the wood veneer walls were painted over, causing it to bubble, the roof is bad, and they walled in the dining room as a bedroom without a permit. This house would have to be gutted to the studs, and she's on the other end of the phone beaming about how this will be the perfect project home for her because at least the wiring is still good.

So, in 45 minutes or less, my 52 year old mother will walk into the bank's office and participate in a private bid between the top three bidders. I don't know how long these usually last, but I suppose we'll all know the outcome sometime this afternoon.

Stay tuned...