Monday, May 13, 2013

Mother's Day Massacre

Seeing ads for Mother's Day presents reminded me of everyone here. Like most holidays, Mother's Day is a time of the year that I cringe at adverts. Amazon suggested for the outdoorsy mom, I should give her a plant and gardening tools. But you've all seen her "garden."

For the fashionista mom, I should give her a pair of hot shoes, or some banging jeans. But you've all seen her "closet."

For the hoarder mom, Amazon doesn't have many suggestions. Neither do I. I waited the whole week to see if I would hear from her, telling me what she wanted or where she wanted to go to celebrate. I never heard anything so Sunday was spent celebrating the beautiful day with grilling out and relaxing at home.

After 3 p.m. I received a text from my sister asking if I had texted my mother. I had, at 8 a.m. that morning, texted her "Happy Mother's Day!" Apparently my sister had contributed a facebook post along the same lines, and my mother posted a rebuttle on facebook. Something along the lines of "I hope those who still have their mothers appreciate them and cherish them. It's pathetic that a three word text or facebook post is the only thing a mother gets anymore." My sister had to share this with me, since I'm not facebook-friends with my mother. The whole thing is ridiculous, but because my mother and sister like to push each others' buttons, my sister also responded and spoke for both of us; saying it upset us and was stupid that she expected anything without telling us what she wanted.

I've had a beautiful cutting board on my counter, for my mother. It matches the rolling pin from a few Christmases ago. I expected them to come to town, or ask us to come to their house, and I wanted to have something to take, even though I knew that it would never be used or would quickly be lost or broken.

Later Sunday night, my mother sent me a facebook message that explained her reasoning behind her post:
I understand you are up set about a posting I made. I don't know why you would think it was addressed to you since you and I aren't even fb friends so Why would it be directed at you? Since you read the first post I hope you read the second one as well and more clearly understand that my posting had to do with my grief and sense of loss of my own mother. And although that post wasn't "aimed" at either of you, yes I am disappointed that you sent me an early morning 3 word text and Amanda sent a 4 word fb post...no other effort or time invested. I get that you both think I have been a lousy mother, it is something I live around but a day like today it is a major slap in the face and incredibly hurtful.

Reading this again makes my stomach fall. I'd been able to forget about the worst parts of my mother because it had been a while since I had seen her, and even then it's only been in public, at a movie theater or restaurant. When this is the way she communicates with me, this much of the reason I avoid contact. No one should have to be this stressed about a greeting-card holiday. I suppose nothing I could have done would have made her happy. We don't talk much normally, but I guess she wanted us to fake it for the holiday. It's a shame.

Before all this, a few weeks ago, my parents took in water in their basement during some heavy rain. My dad texted us girls suggesting we call her and chat because she has been depressed that she has to throw out our baby clothes because they're ruined, and she's upset that we haven't given her grandchildren to pass all of our stuff to before it goes to waste. She later called me and hung up when she realized I would not give her the drama-filled response she wanted.

1.You should have cleaned the basement out years ago
2. How dare you guilt me for not ruining my life so that you can have a plaything on the weekends.

I've come out on the other side and it's now Monday evening. I had a great day at work, and I'm looking forward to going home to my loving family that consists of myself and my partner. No needy mothers, no spawn. I will continue to do what I can for my mother, as she allows me. I'd rather leave now before things get worse.

1 comment:

  1. Reminds me of a lyric from a Taylor Swift song: "I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to."

    I feel you on this one, though more with my (now deceased) grandmother than with my mom. There was a limited amount of "You're such a horrible person that you don't talk to me!" that I finally just gave up completely. Why would I want to talk to someone who just called me a horrible person? Argh.

    I'm however, mourning the loss of the relationship with my mom. I can't bear to get near the hoard because all it represents is the fact that she won't get help for her problems (years of therapy have accomplished nothing and she won't switch to another therapist and she's never ever gone consistently). I'm lucky, though, that she's not agressive when she guilt trips me about it. She just cries and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't a better parent!".

    So yeah, I understand what you're feeling. Wish I knew how to get past it, or what I could say to you that would make it better other than, you're not alone.

    ReplyDelete